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I lean against a wall, close my eyes, try to catch my breath. In its quickened rhythm, my heart speaks: C'mon guy. Work with me. I can only do so much. After a minute or two, my heart gathers itself, slows down. For twenty-five years, my heart has taken the fat jokes, the stares, plump white the rejection. "The rest of you looks fine. It's just plump white the . . . you know . . . the fat." Only a fat heart can take such ridicule; a lesser heart would stop to shed tears. Mine, mine plump white keeps on beating, as if saying, "I am too big for your shit." If the size of my heart is the size of my fist, then my heart is roughly equivalent to a standard sized softball. I imagine it looks like a heart drawn in the hands of a four-year-old--misshapen, imperfect, distorted, unbreakable, a heart Hallmark can never replicate. My heart knows how to forgive, to love again, to move on.
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